A Rewind and a 2020 Look-Ahead

Because why should Mulan be the only one with a Reflection?

Last week I withheld from publishing a throwaway post in prep for this post. As 2019 comes to a close, it's a great time to reflect on the year with a bittersweet feeling.

So here's the monthly breakdown:

January

I worked way too much at J.Crew, had phone interviews at three different places (where I got no in-person interviews), spent an excessive amount of time with "Tesla-boy" exploring NYC, and started classes while struggling to find some sleep.

February

I helped to plan my fraternity recruitment, went to Atlantic City, and cut off Tesla-boy after he went a little crazy on me.

March

Another few phone interviews that got me no in-person interviews, lots of catch up with my best friend after the non-stop hanging out with Tesla-boy ended, and--perhaps the biggest mistake of 2019--giving my ex a second chance to be in my life. But then I got my summer internship offer so the good attitude carried over into April.

April

Excessive time with my ex who ended up disappointing me yet again (shame on me!), failed attempt to join another club (s/o USG), ran my first race and half-marathon, and had an exciting time traveling to Disney (first time on a plane since I was 4).

May

My first death of 2019 during finals, went to the Poconos with the fraternity, applied for my passport after getting hit with the travel bug, and the start of my regular bar visits.

June

Summer internship started and--guess what? I fell in love with it! I also caught up with my pal. Things were looking up.

July

Trip to Saratoga with my best friend where we finally experienced 21-year-old prime fun, got my gym membership, absolutely killed it at the internship, realized how much I really liked this girl I worked with and had two fall internship offers that I accepted.

August

Got my full-time offer, started dating the girl I liked, launched The Fall from Grace after getting too fed up with having my voice censored, went to and fell in love with Europe for a week and a half, and came out to my family and closest friends.

September

Spent lots of weekends with my girlfriend, started a no-makeup cleanse after some really bad breakouts, planned professional recruitment events for the fraternity, found my blogging voice, cried a little because my big left for the semester, and I came out to even more people!

Bittersweet

October

Quit one internship after feeling a little too useless, introduced my girlfriend to my family (had a panic attack in the process after a year of having none!), and started reflecting on my life choices.

November

Got my fall internship extended, broke up with my girlfriend (yeah yeah cuz I'm boooored, JK I had to), dyed my hair, and ended my no-makeup cleanse.

December

Killed my finals for the first time in three semesters for SOME reason, my big finally came back, and I celebrated picking up an awesome little at my fraternity banquet.

A lot happened this year. The first half of 2019 felt nothing like the second half.

But in all of 2019's highs and lows, I had a few realizations.

1. My fraternity is a significant source of those highs, but also plenty of the lows. So the plan is to work on that in the upcoming 2020 months.

2. I am over relationships for the immediate future (and honestly, for a while). Because while I am a sucker for romance, I am tired of handing over my heart to people who don't deserve it.

3. Running brings me an unmatchable joy. A joy that will continue for as long as my legs will allow.

4. Traveling has the ability to cure a sad heart. And I will continue healing mine from Asia to Greece to Australia and many more places.

5. Job stability made me happier than ever before. Working makes me who I am.

6. My best friends are the soul mates I never asked for. Whether it's to pick me up after a rough breakup or to take me to a new bar, I am eternally grateful for them.

7. Lessons are nothing if you don't learn from them.

Here's to 2020, and here's to my 22-year-old ascent into adulthood.