Demand what you Deserve

“Know your worth.”

“Never settle for less.”

“Demand what you deserve.”

There are a bunch of ways to say the same thing, to send the same message of striving for the best and never settling for mediocrity.

About a month ago, I was talking to my best friend about our pasts. It was a conversation full of laughter, sadness, and growth. We’ve been through similar things, including hard breakups, tremendous loss, and bounceback.

We reflected on how we tend to settle for less throughout every life lesson. Then I had the conversation again a few weeks later, only this time with myself (and my other pal in the background).

‘Am I learning from past mistakes? Am I truly striving for the best? Am I setting myself up for even greater success down the line?’ I asked myself a million introspective questions about myself. My situation. My relationships. I came to a hard conclusion: I was not learning from my past, and I was certainly not in a place where I could confidently say I was headed towards greater success, let alone happiness.

For the better part of my adult life, I had settled for my definition of “the best,” whether that was romantically, in my friendships, in my career. I had built up an idea of what the best looked like, and I based it on past experiences where I felt I deserved more. Can you blame me? My semi-okay judgment came from experience.

So to combat the problem as I saw it, I did some housekeeping. Cleared house for myself and in turn, the long term. Perhaps I went about it abruptly. After all, picking yourself up and making major changes usually happens in the movies. Only this time, it took about a day and a half to decide to break up with my girlfriend, dye my hair, start putting effort into my appearance again, revamp my training regiment, and do some Black Friday shopping.

I’ve been in a cycle of sameness for about four years now, and although I’ve improved significantly, I’m still far from perfect. I will never be perfect, nor will I strive to be that. But I would be damned if I didn’t put my best self forth moving forward. Even if that means going about it in a way that doesn’t make sense to some people.

This shift, or attitudinal realignment, has begun to make waves outwardly, but inwardly something else changed. The hair boosted the confidence, for sure, but it helped in other ways, too. I’ve been smiling more. Even after injuring my neck on a run this past weekend, I was pretty unbothered by it—nothing can rock me.

Back to my best friend. We have known each other since middle school, at a time when we were in the throes of puberty and boys. In the years we’ve known, loved, and hated each other, we have grown into pretty well-rounded young ladies. But we’re still on this journey to self-actualization and fulfillment together.

That brings me to a point I’ve also made time and time again: surround yourself with people who will uplift you. People who will send you lengthy text messages about recognizing your worth. People who will sit on FaceTime and tell you not only your problems the way they see it, but how you can improve. To cite a few things I wouldn’t have been able to do without my support system:

1. Recognize and embrace my sexuality

2. Understand and remove myself from the ongoing cycle of “settling”

3. Run race after race after race

4. Dye my hair like I said I would for the past year

And that’s just scratching the surface. Now, back to the even larger point of today. Demanding what you deserve.

I’m shouting this into the universe (not because I want to be boisterous about it, but because I think everyone should know it): Just because something or someone is better doesn’t mean that’s the best for you. So don’t settle for merely “better.” Strive for the best.